Rules That Preclude a Relationship

Rules That Preclude a Relationship

Every now and then we set up rules for ourselves, thinking that these will help us with life, love and the day to day business of living. But sometimes these rules may get in the way of the reality of life and love and prevent us from having the relationship we really want. Tricia is a remarkable woman. A former dance instructor who excells on the dance floor in West Coast Swing, Salsa and more. She works full time, has a nice home, grown children, on their own also with children. Tricia is popular on the local dance circuit. She’d like a relationship, but her “rules” get in the way.

Rule 1: “Backpedaling”- This rule prevents others from explaining what they just said. Trisha takes words at face value, though words have many meanings. If a man tries to explain what he meant by what he said, he is “backpedaling” and the conversation is over. Trisha thinks, “he is trying to change the story, not explain it.” If any relationship is to succeed, then communication must be open and what is said, or understood, sometimes needs to be explained. The only way of doing this is to explain what YOU meant by the words you chose versus what the listener thought you said.

Rule 2: Using “IF” when apologizing- Sometimes we don’t know if words or actions have hurt someone. We may expect so, so we say “if I hurt you, I apologize.” For Trisha, this is a disclaimer. Using the word “if” is not an apology at all; yet how many times have we heard the other person say, “I’m not hurt, just disappointed,” or some facsimile thereof? Using the word “if” is only a verbal tool to find out if you hurt someone. If so, then the apology follows. One should never discount the sincerity of an apology just because it was not in the narrow context of what they think an apology should be.

So check out your rules for communicating, your rules for a successful relationship. Are they so strict or narrow that they get in the way of dating, of romance, of you? Are you too proud to change, to make adjustments, to allow yourself to succeed in relationships?

Too often we seek perfection in places where perfection is hard to attain; like being human. “To err is human.” We all say things we wish we hadn’t, done things we wish we could change. Perhaps with a little understanding and the patience to listen, we can resolve those things that tear us apart and find we really do have a good thing with our Significant Other.