Showing posts with label General Articles. Show all posts
Showing posts with label General Articles. Show all posts
Reader’s Journal: The “Bottom” Age


According to a British medical study, age forty-four is the ultimate age for unhappiness, also known as the infamous midlife crisis. The research shows this age to be at the lowest point of the happiness scale which is U shaped. When I read the study I was alarmed, since my 44th birthday was just around the corner. Before I start stocking up on anti-depressants, I figured I should consult with some of my women friends my age and beyond, to see how they are weathering or weathered the storm of the ultimate age of the midlife crisis.
My friend Terry, age 43, was very candid, “It’s hard now to keep the weight off, and I have all these new issues with my health, and also I have a hard time saving up for retirement. I am worried about the future.” She continued, “There are so many things that I wanted to accomplish in my life, and I feel like I’m running out of time, I regret not being more proactive.”
I had no response. I also regret not doing so many things, taking time for granted. I had put some of my dreams on hold always thinking, ”One day”. I felt a sharp pain in my gut. The midlife unhappiness was slowly beginning to seep into my consciousness.

Another friend Rachel, a self-made multi millionaire who is turning forty-five next month, has all the money and security she needs but does that mean a happy “ bottom age?”
“I am breaking out like never before, it must be my hormones going out of whack.” She said, which made me wonder. My pimply stage extended way beyond my adolescence, I had them on my back and chin until my late twenties. Why should such nasty little things reappear now when my joints had also started to ache? It didn’t seem fair.
My conversation with Rachel revealed yet another issue; the fear of looking older, which I am very well acquainted with. “Well botox only last for so long,” Rachel noted, “and more is needed more frequently, and the numbness!”


Rules That Preclude a Relationship


Every now and then we set up rules for ourselves, thinking that these will help us with life, love and the day to day business of living. But sometimes these rules may get in the way of the reality of life and love and prevent us from having the relationship we really want. Tricia is a remarkable woman. A former dance instructor who excells on the dance floor in West Coast Swing, Salsa and more. She works full time, has a nice home, grown children, on their own also with children. Tricia is popular on the local dance circuit. She’d like a relationship, but her “rules” get in the way.
Rule 1: “Backpedaling”- This rule prevents others from explaining what they just said. Trisha takes words at face value, though words have many meanings. If a man tries to explain what he meant by what he said, he is “backpedaling” and the conversation is over. Trisha thinks, “he is trying to change the story, not explain it.” If any relationship is to succeed, then communication must be open and what is said, or understood, sometimes needs to be explained. The only way of doing this is to explain what YOU meant by the words you chose versus what the listener thought you said.

Rule 2: Using “IF” when apologizing- Sometimes we don’t know if words or actions have hurt someone. We may expect so, so we say “if I hurt you, I apologize.” For Trisha, this is a disclaimer. Using the word “if” is not an apology at all; yet how many times have we heard the other person say, “I’m not hurt, just disappointed,” or some facsimile thereof? Using the word “if” is only a verbal tool to find out if you hurt someone. If so, then the apology follows. One should never discount the sincerity of an apology just because it was not in the narrow context of what they think an apology should be.
So check out your rules for communicating, your rules for a successful relationship. Are they so strict or narrow that they get in the way of dating, of romance, of you? Are you too proud to change, to make adjustments, to allow yourself to succeed in relationships?
Too often we seek perfection in places where perfection is hard to attain; like being human. “To err is human.” We all say things we wish we hadn’t, done things we wish we could change. Perhaps with a little understanding and the patience to listen, we can resolve those things that tear us apart and find we really do have a good thing with our Significant Other.


  How to Overcome Resentment When You’re Forced to Relocate


In today’s economy, there are a lot of individuals that are forced to move to a new city, or even a new country. Often times, it’s a matter of moving where the work is. Other times, you may be following someone you love, making your own personal sacrifices to do so.
Relocating can be difficult or easy - depending upon whether you’re moving happily or you’re moving against your will. If you’re moving to follow a dream, you might feel excited. However, if you’re moving against your will, or sacrificing a lot to make the move, it can be easy to feel resentful, stubborn and unwilling for change to happen.
Unfortunately, staying stuck in this resentment, and continuing to be stubborn will actually backfire. It will quickly lead you to see only negatives about your life. You’ll hate where you’re living, be angry with those around you, push away loved ones and, ultimately, become completely isolated, homesick, and maybe even depressed. So, what should you do if you are being forced to move against your will, or if you’ve already relocated and are stuck in resentment?

Here are some helpful strategies:
1. Admit that you hate it. If you hate the idea of moving, say it. Admit it out loud - yell it if you want to. Give yourself this opportunity to speak your mind. This will allow you to give voice to your internal feelings, be heard, and that, in turn, will enable you to move on.
2. Give yourself a grieving period. Set a defined time limit - no more than two weeks - to allow yourself to really grieve about the move. Mope around, growl at the changes you see, just feel terrible. Towards the end of this period, you might even try exaggerating how awful everything is to get it all out, and, also, allow yourself to understand how easy it is to find all the negatives. But once the grieving period is over, stop it. Make a commitment to find positives, stop complaining and really stick to it.
3. Find something positive to celebrate every day. You might find a video store that allows you to rent movies really cheaply. You might have had a nice conversation with the cashier as you purchased groceries. Perhaps you treat yourself to some chocolate and celebrate how great it tasted! The point is to celebrate something - feel good about something each day.
4. Keep a journal of your experiences. Keep track of everything - all the feelings from your grieving period, and then notes about the positive things you find to celebrate. After a few months, you’ll be able to read back over the entries and see just how far you’ve come. This is encouraging and can really help you in your new surroundings.
Though it may take some time, moving forward, looking for new opportunities, and creating a positive mindset will make your experience a lot better.


Laugh Out Loud in Your Bedroom


“It’s okay to laugh in the bedroom so long as you don’t point.” Will DurstApparently, sex is fun. I say apparently because a lot of people do not seem to have much fun during sex. Or at least the feedback I get from longer-term couples is that sex has become a little stale to the point of being boring. In fact, a billion (plus) industry was created to show couples how to spice up their sex lives and make it a little more exciting.
I was doing an interview with a reporter from Cosmopolitan magazine. The title of the article was “Soulful Sex”, the premise being how a woman can be more present during her sexual experience. For which I am a zealous advocate.

Justifiably, to give the article balance, the reporter interviewed a few other experts. One felt that, in order to have a full and transported sexual experience, everyone taking part had to be Silent!The New York reporter asked for my reaction or feelings towards Silent! sex. Unfortunately, my media-trained censor for stupid questions was shut off and my laughing response was, “You’re joking!”
“Oh, no, no, no,” the reporter sincerely replied. She politely explained that sex, without the moaning and groaning to distract, allows the couple to really focus and home in on what is going on. Therefore, Silence! enables the couple to be fully and completely present with their lover. “Riiiiight,” I replied cautiously while thinking, “Or go to sleep quicker.”
I believe different opinions make the world go around. Maybe some young ladies reading that Cosmopolitan article will find true Zen happiness in Silent! sex. Yet I cannot help but think how too many people want to break out of that dull sex trap.
The couples who I admire and model my own marriage after, the ones who have a great relationship and great sex over the long term, are far from silent. Moreover, every day they laugh, play and, most importantly, have fun together—loud and proud.
In particular, one girlfriend life’s journey has given her more bumps than smooth roads. Although she does not, she has every right to complain and take life a little too seriously.
She really (REALLY) enjoys sex. Why? She believes sex is a treat. It is one of the few times in her challenging life that she can have a good old belly laugh and play like she did when she was young. In her words, “Sex is my grown up fun time.”
I wish I could duplicate whatever sex-is-fun DNA gene she was given at birth—that way I could inject the secret sex formula into millions of couples. Then, as Yoda would say, “A very rich woman I would become.”
Yet experiencing this joie de vivre from sex is not a lifelong pilgrimage only the truly worthy will struggle with and find—as some books I have read would have you believe. It is just the opposite. It is as simple as lightening up the atmosphere in your bedroom.
Let’s look at the average couple’s serious bedroom sex scene. They have: very little to no talking, no changing up of the old and tired sex routine, certainly no laughing, no toys, no games, no nothing. Silent! sex.
Does this make you want to run to the bedroom and throw off your clothes? Yawn. Me neither. Curling up with a favorite book elicits more stimulation. It is easy to understand why over time, a couple’s priorities such as kids, work, or hobbies often take precedent because these activities are plainly more inspiring.
How can you create grown up fun with your partner? Not to be a cop-out, but everyone’s version of what constitutes a good time is different. Creating a fun-space means sitting down with your partner and (surprise) communicating about what the two of you find enjoyable and how you will make time.
Please do not feel overwhelmed about reinventing the wheel. There are hundreds of people who have already figured this out for you. Off the top of my head, I can list ten couple’s bedroom games that are meant to incite romance. There are a plethora of books at your local bookstore that give step-by-step instructions.
There are so many options, the hard part for you will be choosing. The trick is you have to: (1) go and find it; (2) be willing to break the Silent! sex routine and; (3) not take your life-long sex so seriously.
Sex is deeply meaningful. Being able to have grown up fun time makes sex more enjoyable, something you will want to experience often. Ergo, you are focused and present and will enable the super important deep connection to transpire.
Do your sex life a favor: lighten up and laugh out loud in your bedroom.


Look Great on a Budget




Brand name fashion and vintage can cost the name if found at the right place. Who says that a beautiful dress has to cost more than your rent? A gorgeous pair of leather boots does not have to fuse person’s toes together. Flat or two-inch high heels can still count as fashionable. Dressier Options:
Vintage wrap dresses
Certified Image consultant Margaret Batting suggests that women need to think about how they want to be perceived and dress accordingly.
“If you want to come across as confident, smart and fun, then your clothes need reflect these messages. Wear colors that compliment your natural coloring and bring out your eyes. You’ll be talking a lot on a first date and you want the person focused on your face and what you are saying.” Banning insists on making sure you are comfortable in an outfit that is not frumpy or too loose, meaning that you feel good in clothes that fit well and flatter your shape.
To portray a sexier side of you is a little tricky. Skin should be shown in moderation.
For example, Batting suggest that any woman with great legs should show them off but keep the top half of the body conservative and vise versa.
“If you have great legs, then rock a mini on the bottom half and wear a less revealing top. If you have great arms, wear a top that shows off your arms with a pair it of hot jeans or skinny pants and heals.”

Stella & Dot stylist Tracy Bennett suggests a nice light merino sweater, complimented with a simple blouse and nice jeans or cuffed jeans for a first date. Not too dressy, not too casual.
“If you are going to a nicer place, I would suggest trousers or slacks.”
For the slightly heavier woman:
Bennett insists on not wearing items that are too fitting. Nice jeans with a boot cut or flare would be a good choice. As for the top, it should show little to no pattern and dark in colour, flows in style but not too big.
For the thinner woman:
According to Bennett, a thinner, not so curvy lady looks best with a tunic, slimming jeans and boots. Bennett feels that is look is quite classy, assists in creating height and doesn’t play too much on the thin look, very voluptuous.
As for accessories, readers can check out www.fiveaccessories.com. Founded by Christine Hutchison, Five Accessories has everything from eco-friendly handbags to jewelry that will compliment any outfit at reasonable prices.
Meeting the parents:
It’s definitely not essential to look sexy when meeting the parents. Look and be classy all the way. Look confident, smart, sweet and as innocent as possible.
Depending on the venue, casual or dressy outfits could both come into play. Stylists and image consultants give their tips on this scenario.
Maragaret Batting: “For a casual meeting with the parents you can wear pants, a ruffled or feminine blouse topped with a stylish cardigan and maybe add a belt for interest. If it is a dressier occasion, a dress may be more appropriate. Either way, you want to come across as confident, approachable and friendly. This is not the time to wear revealing clothing. Again you want to come across as comfortable and authentic.”
Mary Kincaid: “When in doubt, it’s probably a good idea to border on the conservative side when it comes to meeting the parents, so stay away from trends. A tailored pair of trousers might make a nicer impression than jeans. A khaki skirt with a crisp white blouse looks pulled together. It still allows you express a bit of personality when you pair the outfit with a vintage scarf, necklace or beaded sweater.”



Prepare to Be Happy This Year



January is often the time we set goals, make resolutions, and determine what we’ll do differently or better. So, after attending a recent meditation evening, I was profoundly struck by a deceptively simple question:
“What do you do that makes you happy?”
On the surface, I might say, “I find great ways to meet new people, I travel, I reach lots of people with my blog,” and a host of other activities. But the question is really much deeper.
We spoke about our natural tendency as human beings to wake up each day and hope our day goes well. We might think things like, “I hope this year is better than last year” “I hope I get a job” ”I hope the boss is nicer to me today.” “I hope I don’t have to do that stupid report today.” If you’re homesick, or suffering from relocation depression, you might be thinking, “I hope I can find something interesting to do today.” “I hope I can leave this awful place soon.” “I hope someone will become my friend today.” 

Do those thoughts make you happy?
Typically, those thoughts disempower us. Instead, they put all our power in our circumstances, and the people around us to make us happy. If the train is late, or the boss is mean, or you don’t find anything to do today, then your day will stink. After a stinky, tough, horrible day, you’ll come home feeling angry and unhappy. Once you get home, you’ll expect your friends and family to be understanding, and make you feel happier. As if they hold the key to making you feel better.
But the real truth is, we create our own happiness. We have the choice to get angry when things don’t go our way, or to see the opportunities that are created, and to focus on what makes us happy, and create more happiness in our lives. For example, let’s say a friend cancels plans with you last minute, leaving you alone with nothing to do. You can get angry, complain to your friend that you could have made other plans if she had told you sooner, and spend the evening muttering curse words and feeling full of regret. Or, you can catch up on that reading you haven’t had time for, go to the movies, check out a museum, walk home a different way, etc.
As you spend your January making resolutions, I’m going to challenge you to be more happy! Here are a few suggestions:

   Climate Changes Impact Your Relocation



One of the things that might take you by surprise when you move to a new place is how much the weather and climate impact your happiness in that place.
Often times, this doesn’t sink in until several months after you’ve relocated – I remember being really excited to move from New York to Paris, thinking about how beautiful the city was to me, and being eager to walk and explore the city streets. One evening, on my way back home, plodding through wet streets with my umbrella held overhead, I became aggravated. I suddenly realized that Paris is often grey or raining, and this took away my eagerness to walk around the city. Without that desire, I began to question why I was living in a place that I couldn’t happily explore.

What I learned from my experience is that it’s crucial to make sure you understand the weather patterns of your host country. If you live someplace sunny, like California, and you move someplace like London, or even Seattle, you’re in for a complete change.
Seasons can also have a big impact on your life. One aspect is having seasons, as in New England (Northeast region of the US), or not having seasons, as in Florida, or the Caribbean, where it is mostly sunny and warm all year round. The other aspect is “season reversal”. If you live in the United States and move to Australia, Christmas will be warm and sunny, and June, July and August will find you shivering and wearing your winter coat. It’s a very jarring experience.
So, before you relocate someplace, take care to research and understand that area’s climate and typical season forecast. If you are moving someplace with a vastly different climate, this will impact the activities you can or will want to do, so in conjunction with climate changes, make sure you take the time to find out what activities support the climate. In other words, if you are someone used to being indoors a lot, and are moving to a place where the social life revolves around the outdoors – you might want to consider getting some hiking gear, or good walking shoes, at a minimum. And, vice versa, if the place you’re going has lousy weather, it would help you to learn about classes and programs that are offered at indoor venues, as well as what travel agencies are best/least expensive, should you want to plan a getaway to a warm and wonderful spot!


 Bullying Prevention Skills and Techniques for Children


Child bullying is a big problem in our schools today. The main difference between child bullying today from the past is the nature of the bullying and the violence that occurs in the aftermath. Cyberbullying is becoming a popular and more destructive form of bullying than traditional bullying. More children today are bringing guns to school to seek revenge on others. Child bullying has been around and will probably remain for years to come. Unfortunately, we do not have the power to rid the world of bullying. The answer to the issue of child bullying rests within us, especially the victims of bullying. Victims of bullying are never responsible for being bullied. On the contrary, victims of child bullying have the power in themselves to think, behave, and react in ways that limits or eradicates bullying. As a society, we spend much of our energy identifying and punishing the bully that we fail to spend adequate time empowering the victims of child bullying. We should spend more of our energy on the things that we can control rather than the things that we have limited or no control over. We need to teach children about the power that they already possess. Let me elaborate on a few issues that parents should teach their children regarding bullying prevention.

Let’s first talk about the characteristics of child bullying. Typically, bullies and their victims share the same characteristic – low self-esteem. It just depends on whether they internalize or externalize their feelings that will determine if they will become a bully or a victim of bullying. Typically, negative situations and events in the child’s life can trigger low self-esteem. Externalizing feelings can cause some children to become bullies as they attempt to control their environment to compensate for their lack of control in their family. For instance, if the parents of a child are divorcing and the child is very upset about the divorce, he/she might feel powerless in his/her ability to keep his/her parents together. As a result, the child might take out his/her rage on others for purposes of seeking control to compensate for his/her lack of control over their parents’ impending divorce.
Given the same scenario (parental divorce), some children internalize their feelings by not talking or acting out how they feel. Instead, they become depressed and withdrawn feeling like a failure. Often, they develop a negative image of themselves and their physical appearance. They look at others and the world around them with shaded lens. When a bully validates this child’s feelings about him/herself, this child often reacts negatively to the validation because he/she feels the bully is correct in their interpretation.
Often times, children with high self-esteem do not respond negatively to bullies because they already know that negative personal statements made by the bully are untrue and therefore are unworthy of attention.
As human beings, our behavior, thoughts, and feelings are never dictated or controlled by others, situations, and events unless we allow this to occur. Simply said, others, situations, and events can trigger a reaction based on what we think. For example, if I do not want to go to work today and my car has a flat tire, I might experience happiness because I do not want to go to work. On the other hand given the same event (flat tire), I might want to go to work today to take care of some unfinished business. Because the flat tire might delay or eliminate my chances of getting to work, this situation might cause me anger. How could the same event in both situations cause two different feelings? It was not the event at all that triggered the feelings. It was what I thought about the event that triggered my feelings. Therefore, manipulating the way we think can alter how we feel. We have the power to take ownership and control over our thoughts. We however have limited or no control over specific events, situations, and the behavior of others. Sometimes, we attempt to control events, situations, and others but become frustrated when our attempts fail.
Now, how does the paragraph above apply to the issue of bullying prevention? The main goal of bullies is to get their victims to experience fear, anger, or sadness. Once their victim demonstrates signs of these emotions via the words he/she says, body language, or actions, the bully has complete and total control over him/her. The bullying will continue until the victim no longer verbally and/or physically displays fear, anger, or sadness in response to the bullying. The bullying will end once the victim responds the opposite of what the bully expects.
How do we get children to react the opposite of what the bully expects? This is where role-playing comes in handy. Parents should regularly sit down with their children helping them learn to react the opposite of what bullies expect. Often times, this task is much easier when the parent knows what hurtful words or phrases bullies say that makes their children feel fearful, angry, or sad. Using these hurtful words and/or phrases in role-plays will emotionally prepare children when they are approached by bullies.
It is also important to teach children that they have the power to change or affect the agenda of bullies by the words they use. For instance, if a bully calls a child ‘stupid’, the child could defuse the bullying by stating to the bully, “That’s nice”, “How about that”, “Oh, well”, and so forth. The worst thing that the child could do is respond by telling the bully that he/she is stupid or make other negative statements. A negative response will only inflame the situation encouraging further bullying.
In addition, parents should teach and role-play with their children specific forms of body language that differentiates a child with high self-esteem from a child with low self-esteem. Body language communicates feelings more so than spoken words. If a child yells at a bully stating that he/she is not bothered by the bully’s behavior, the bully knows that the child is bothered because of the yelling. Lack of eye contact, looking down, slouched posture, lack of hygiene, and low tone of voice can be viewed as symptoms of low self-esteem.
Parents need to teach their children that bullies rarely get angry at them. Bullies are typically angry at themselves and/or events that occurred or are occurring in their own life for which they have limited or no control. Bullies indirectly take out their anger on the ones they could easily control.
Parents should never teach their children to physically fight back when approached by a bully. The problem with fighting back is that children can get themselves into trouble for engaging in physically assaultive behavior. Think of it this way – bullies rarely throw the first punch. They always entice their victim into throwing the first punch. This way when they are asked who started the fight, the bully could easily and truthfully state that their victim started it. In addition, there are significant legal ramifications that can arise as a result of physically assaultive behavior.
It is important to remember that physical violence typically occurs after a negative verbal interaction. Violence typically is provoked and rarely unprovoked. Therefore to avoid violence, the conflict can and should be defused during the verbal exchange. This is why the words victims say and their body language are so significant and detrimental to the outcome of bullying. Recent school shootings suggest that the shooters were bullied by their classmates. The bullying subsequently provoked the school violence.
Parents should be cautious when teaching their children to ignore bullies. The problem with ignoring is that the bully knows that his/her behavior is irritating, annoying, and controlling his/her victim. Therefore, the bullying will continue.
Parents should be cautious when teaching their children to report bullying to an adult without first attempting to resolve the conflict on their own. Parents should encourage their children to first attempt to resolve the bullying on their own with the skills taught above. If their children are unsuccessful resolving these issues on their own, they should be encouraged to report the bullying. If their children automatically report the bullying without attempting to defuse the situation on their own, they will be perceived and labeled as a tattle-tale which will encourage the bullying to continue.
Parents need to teach their children the correct definition of the word ‘tattling’. Some children think that reporting child misbehavior to adults is considered tattling. Parents need to teach their children that reporting on others just to see them get into trouble is considered tattling. A child that reports to his/her parents that his/her brother is picking his nose is considered tattling. Children always need to report to an adult if they were physically, sexually, or verbally harmed by others or if they witnessed others engaging in destructive or illegal behaviors.
It is very easy to feel sympathetic toward victims of child bullying. However, it would be more helpful to the victim if we are more empathic to their needs by empowering them to diffuse bullying on their own. As a result, their ability to defuse the bullying would ultimately raise their level of self-esteem and self-worth.


The Power of Personal Branding to your Business


What is it about Oprah, Suzie Orman, Katie Couric and Martha Stewart that make them household names worldwide? It’s the effectiveness of their strong personal brands! You are your own walking billboard, which markets and conveys information about the value of your business’s brand. At the very heart of your brand message is you — the personal manifestation of your business’s brand. What brand image are you conveying by your visual presentation of your brand? Getting clear on this helps you develop a Unique Value Proposition that positions you for business success.
Your personal brand includes your image and marketing but it is also hinges upon establishing a reputation for yourself, showcasing what differentiates you from your peers, and leaving a lasting and unforgettable impression.

Every element or aspect of your personal brand needs to communicate your overall brand message.
This includes:
· Your image
· The way you communicate
· Your marketing materials
· The way you relate to people (approachability, likeability, trustworthiness etc.)
· The level/type of service you offer
· Your business’s mission and vision
· Your online identity (website, e-newsletters, blogs, etc.)
An effective personal brand helps you:
· Establish yourself as an expert · Reinforce a clear and powerful ‘business’ brand message · Market your services· Establish credibility · Engender trust and loyalty with your clients· Differentiate your business
· Exert your ‘influence’ (your point of view, message, etc.) with those you interact with
Get clear on your brand promise. Think about what your target market needs and expects from you. How do you deliver against that in a way that delights them? How do you want your customers/clients to experience your brand? What images does your brand personify? Are your marketing materials and your own appearance congruent with this image?
Examine your personal brand in these key areas. Is it…
· Memorable?
· Well differentiated?
· Original?
· Sustainable?
· Credible/Authentic?
· Influential?
· Relevant?
All these areas need to be successfully conveyed otherwise your personal brand will be ineffective or non-existent. You must be very clear on who you are, what you do, and what makes you the best provider of your product/ service to your clients. A strong, authentic and successful personal brand is easily identifiable and tangibly felt. This is why we unequivocally equate Oprah with generosity, compassion, positivity and personal enrichment. Her mantra, ‘live your best life’ and her look (bright, cheerful, happy colors/ soft, feminine silhouettes), reinforce these brand attributes.
Developing a strong personal brand takes effort, focus and tenacity. Play to your strengths. Take the time to build a strong foundation for your personal brand. Once established, make every effort to reinforce its message in everything you say and do. Remember that every interaction a person has with you is an opportunity to build or undermine your brand message and strength.
Re-examine your personal brand against the list of metrics above. I’m sure you have some work to do to refine and tweak your personal brand strategy.

Fashion checklist for a Job interview



Did you know that how you dress equals your perceived level of professionalism? How professional you look can impact whether you are perceived as smart, competent, detailed oriented, moving up or down the corporate ladder or credible. Especially when you are dressing for a job interview, make sure your image communicates exactly how you want to be perceived. The way you dress for work is a communications tool that can be used strategically to your advantage. Here are twelve tips from Élan Image Management to guide you to project the highest level of professionalism to ensure you nail that job interview.

Do’s:
·         The greater the number of items of clothing you wear at one time, the greater degree of formality/ professionalism you express. For most interviews, you will want to always wear 3 core pieces — skirt or pants, a jacket or cardigan and a blouse, shirt or shell (sometimes a dress can sub for a skirt and shell). Consider very tailored or polished looks, like a matched pants or skirt suit paired with a blouse or shirt in a flattering color or print. Alternatively, a knee length or below skirt or a classic sheath dress that is figure flattering but not tight, topped with a tailored jacket in a contrasting color is good interview choice.
·         DO always wear a jacket to an interview to quickly establish presence in professional environments. It communicates confidence, command and authority-all great first impressions.
·         For interviews, choose skirts and dresses no shorter than 2 inches above knee. Also do wear a slip if the skirt is unlined.
·         Especially in conservative businesses, stockings should be worn with skirts. Neutral or close to skin tone is best choice. Black, grey, and navy are acceptable if they match shoes or skirt.
·         Get your hair professionally cut and colored. A bad/un-groomed hair style diminishes professional impact.
·         Do walk with a quality portfolio or tote (preferably leather) to carry your interview essentials. Consider all your accessories as part of the image you are projecting.
Don’ts:
·         Accessories: Avoid cheap handbags, acrylic scarves, plastic jewelry and low end shoes which will diminish everything else you wear. Too much jewelry (or oversized or noisy jewelry) will be a distraction and will downplay your professionalism. Wear simple pieces like small earrings, a watch or a pretty scarf. And your wedding ring if married.
·         For shoes, avoid strappy sandals, chunky or platform heels which do not have a professional look. Opt for open toe pumps, slingbacks, or more conservative pumps.
·         Any garment that you would wear for sporting events, lounging, partying, or outdoor is NOT appropriate to wear in an interview/business environment. No exceptions.
·         Tank tops, spaghetti straps, plunging necklines, mini skirts etc. are always inappropriate for any job interview.
·         Wearing lacy, shiny, metallic, or floral fabrics are generally not perceived as professional.
·         Never show up to an interview in wrinkled clothing, scuffed shoes, sloppy makeup, poorly fitting clothing or looking disheveled in any way. Any of the above will destroy that initial positive first impression that is so critical and diminish your chances of a positive outcome.
The power of image in influencing first impressions and hiring decisions is unquestionable. In these challenging employment times, if you follow these tips you can be assured your image will work for you.


 Alternative Weapons: Instinctive Self-defense

  Alternative Weapons: Instinctive Self-defense


What form of self-defense could be more instinctive than using whatever ordinary and nondescript objects around you to defend yourself against an attacker? Objects that were neither designed with self-defense in mind, nor are they specially carried for such a purpose by you. Objects that will neither raise the suspicion of Law Enforcement, nor take up any extra room since you would have had them either on your person or in your surroundings and environment anyway.
A person who has the right motivation, talent and will to survive, can employ almost any object as a weapon. Anything can become a weapon when your mind is the real weapon. Governments can’t ban it, customs can’t confiscate it and the only time you don’t have it is when you are asleep. This is the key lesson you should take away from this article.

In today’s anti-weapons climate many times and in many locations it’s impossible to carry a gun or knife (Courts, airports, etc). Even in your home at the time of a violent invasion you might not be close to your gun, or even knife. Sometimes all you have left is your tactical creativity and your motivation and ability for thinking outside the box. Your mind will always be your greatest weapon, not least of all because with your intelligence and ingenuity you can locate the most effective duel use objects to use as weapons during an assault. Your mind is a weapon, and with it you are never unarmed. Wherever you are I guarantee you you are surrounded by a multitude of potential weapons. Learn to spot them effectively.
While the will to use improvised weapons is often instinctive for the experienced fighter, the effectiveness of such improvised weapons can depend on how good an eye you have in not only quickly locating and choosing your improvised “weapon” but also on your ability to use that object in a way that will disable your attacker effectively (or allow you to escape the threat). And it is this ability that will increase only with proper training.
First a few thoughts on Natural Reactions:
Think of fights you might have seen yourself. What are the first natural reactions a person has when being attacked? First the person will put up his arms to block any attack, then they will instinctively grab for any object that can multiply the expediency of their own “god” given weapons (their body and limbs). Often one of the first such objects grabbed is a chair and it is used as a shield. If not a chair it will be another object that can be used as either a weapon or shield. It’s an instinctive and natural reaction displayed by seasoned fighters and people with no experience in self defense alike. Often the manner in which the attacked will use the object depends on their mindset and/or level of aggression and the situation itself. For example some people when attacked will grab a chair and only use it as a shield. Other more aggressive fighters will instinctively begin hitting their attacker with the same chair and thus using it more as a striking weapon than merely a shield. Using the chair or other object as a striking weapon will disrupt your attacker’s ability from gaining direction, lead and control of the attack. While using the chair or other object as a shield can often be useful initially (especially in a surprise attack) you need to gain dominance and control rapidly through overwhelming force and aggression.
Often not much thought goes into such a split second decision in terms of exactly which object to grab for. There simply isn’t enough time for someone who is being attacked to weigh up the potential effectiveness of one object over another. This will come with experience.
At the end of the day though, almost any object can be used as either a weapon or atleast a shield, some objects that I’m sure you would never have thought of as weapons or even shields. Obviously though some objects are more effective than others.
The following is a list of a few possible objects you very well might have in your environment that could be employed as improvised weapons or shields:
The flashlight:
A favourite among many a self defense practitioner for years now. Wrap some 550 paracord around it and make a Koppo type weapon or use by itself. Either way it’s a popular alternative weapon (and flashlight!). Can be used to momentarily blind an attacker or as an impact weapon. See specialist knowledge on how to use it most effectively.
Car antenna:
Listen up, in particular women who walk alone in car parks! You can quite quickly break off a metal car antenna and use it to fend off one or more attackers in a whipping action. The strikes can be very painful and effective and will likely at the very least stun and discourage an attacker from continuing. Remember, often these predators are looking for an easy victim. If you prove to the attacker that you’ll be more trouble than your worth, he’s quite likely to discontinue the attack and seek out someone who will give him less trouble.
Keys:
Not the easiest or most effective option in reality despite often being recommended by defensive instructors. Shouldn’t be your first choice, however if you have nothing else at hand it’s better than nothing. Hold key between middle fingers and use to punch with greater effect. Or can be used to scrape across attacker’s face.
Steel cap boots:
Often overlooked but very legal everywhere and a very painful alternative weapon. Kick attacker in the shins or groin. A real fight stopper with proper aim.
Pens:
As the saying goes, “The pen is mightier than the sword”. Well, surely that was meant figuratively. In any case, when carrying a sword during your daily business is not a reasonable option (and I can’t imagine it is for most people) a pen makes quite a mighty alternative weapon. Another favorite among seasoned Martialists. Can be used as a stabbing implement or as a makeshift Kubaton. Hold in a pikal grip with your thumb on the clicker or blunt end and stab down or sideways repeatedly with the pointy end outwards. Hit to the liver, other soft appendages and neck for greatest effect. If you know how to use a Kubaton you know how to use a pen as a weapon. Choose a hefty strong metal pen like the now discontinued Rotring 600, a beefy hexagonal pen made of chrome-plated brass. Always legal, always useful for the intelligent and literate person for more than just self-defense, and a good alternative weapon for the concerned self defense practitioner.
The beer bottle, or other glass bottle:
Be careful with this one. Unlike in the movies DO NOT ever first break the bottle on the table thinking you’ll be left with a sharp knife like weapon. You won’t. In reality what you will be left with is a small piece of the bottle’s neck. That’s it, nothing sharp protruding at any length and nothing you can use effectively as a weapon.
Infact, for that matter, most of what you see on TV does not work, was never meant to work, and if you try it you’ll probably be in big trouble.
You can still use a glass bottle as a weapon though, just don’t break it on the table first, smash it directly in your attacker’s face! Preferably use a glass bottle full of liquids, as an empty one will be far less effective.
Coffee mug or glass or ceramic cup:
Smash it across your attacker’s face much like the glass bottle. If you have hot coffee inside at the time, obviously splash it on his face. All the sudden you won’t complain that McDonalds makes their coffee too hot. The hotter the better as an alternative weapon. If there is alcohol inside your glass, throw it in your attacker’s face. Aim for the eyes for stinging effect.
Carabiner:
An old army trick. Use a large one as a makeshift “knuckleduster”. Works well. Punch and hammer fist your attacker’s head and face. Preferably you would have a steel one, but an aluminum type will work well enough if need be.
A chair:
A chair, not only to keep lions at bay they can also keep your attacker at bay or shield you from a knife attack. They also make good larger improvised impact devices, although they are mainly best used as a shield.
Trash can lid:
Another great improvised shield. The trash can itself can be thrown at the BG and might atleast give you time to escape or to employ a better weapon.
Dresser drawer:
That’s right, if you’re attacked in your bedroom immediately grab and pull out a drawer from the dresser. Can be used as a shield or even as an impact weapon, much like the laptop or book. Check out your drawers right now and see if they come out completely and easily. If they don’t, try modifying them.
Walking cane/stick:
One of the best alternative weapons. Huge striking power. Easy to use and especially effective with modern Arnis Filipino stick fighting techniques. Always legal, always with you, always right in your hand ready to be used to strike, to disarm or to block an attack. It can however make you seem weaker or partially disabled, and thus can make you a more desirable victim or target to an attacker. Remember, predators target the weakest people, or in other words the people who they think will put up the least amount of fight. Keep this in mind and decide for yourself whether a walking stick is a good option. Certainly, in any case, if you genuinely need a walking stick anyway, then do seek out combat stick training.
A padlock:
Devastating weapon, you can only hope to be lucky enough to have one handy. Slip your middle finger inside the steel loop with the rest of the padlock in your fist. Use as makeshift knuckleduster or fist-load. Or swing padlock at your attacker while holding it with one finger and the rest of padlock outwards. Aim for head, as the padlock would be too small to do damage to body.
Ashtray:
Usually a hefty solid weapon. Grab it like a frisby and slam it into your assailant’s head, face, or jam it in his neck or throat. Throw the cigarette butts and ashes in his face as a distraction.
Magazine:
Rolled up it can make an excellent impact weapon. Most effective using quick, strong, short strikes repeatedly to attacker’s face and to other more sensitive areas due to the inherent lack of mass of the magazine.
Tie:
If you’re a business man in a suit you’ve got an excellent flexible weapon or a possible garrot as part of you wardrobe. If your attacker is infact the one wearing a tie you can use it to control or disorient him. Grab his tie and pull downwards hard.
Please note: This is one reason I generally advise people not to wear anything that doesn’t break easily around the neck. It is too easy for someone to use it to control you during an attack, just as you can use the same tactic on someone else.
Laptop:
As was recently reported a celebrity used one as a weapon against a pushy paparazzi with great effect. Hold with both hands and slam into your attacker’s face full force or push out and jab it into his face, neck or midsection with the sides/edges of the closed laptop. Can also be used to shield against an attacker’s weapon or strike.
Clipboard:
Used much the same way as the laptop. Has thinner and so sharper edges, however on the other hand it also has less mass and might be less painful because of that.
A book:
Not only good for reading and learning. Used much the same way as the laptop and clipboard, although the book would have more heft than a clipboard.
Briefcase:
You’re already holding it, and it has a secure handle. Swing it into your attacker’s face/head or use as a shield. Push him away with the briefcase and escape. Open briefcase and take out other alternative weapons that have been mentioned here such as magazine, pen, etc.
Lamp:
You’ll usually have a lamp nearby in your home. Grab it, and smash it across your attacker’s face. Use the cord as a flexible weapon.
Fire extinguisher:
Has been used before with great effect. Devastating power. Aim for head/face. Makes an excellent shield too. Also spray contents directly onto attacker. It will at the least disorient him, it will often even hide your exit due to the cloud of white dust.
Put one in you car. You should have one in your car anyway for fire safety, but it might even save your life if you need to use it as a weapon.
Duct tape:
Not a weapon as such but makes good handcuffs to hold your attacker until the police arrive. Large zip ties are a good alternative to duct tape.
Light switch:
Darkness is a brilliant weapon under the right circumstances. If you are attacked by night, the light switch can be the best “weapon” for defense, without really being a weapon as such. Simply turn the lights off. Darkness is a tactical advantage for you, afterall you know the layout of your own house while your attacker does not. You also know where you have other weapons and escape routes. Darkness could also simply give you the time needed to escape. Also, darkness will increase the blinding effectiveness of your flashlight if you are carrying one.
Clothing:
Are you wearing a coat or scarf? A coat or jacket can be used to shield yourself against an attacker’s knife or other weapon. Wrap it around your weak arm, and hit and defend yourself with your strong arm and legs. The long sleeves can also be used as a flexible weapon for choking or entangling limbs.
If on your bicycle:
Your helmet, tire pump, and flexible bike locks are potential impact devices. Even the bike itself can act as an effective shield against an attacker. It will act as a good obstruction between you and him giving you time to escape. If need be it can even be thrown at the attacker.
Belt buckle:
A heavy brass or steel one. Can make a great impact weapon. Can even be swung at the attacker since it’s attached to your belt.
Belt:
Even without a heavy buckle your belt can be one of the best flexible weapons available.
Sprays:
Any spray will do brilliantly. Think about it, what spray do you have around? Hair spray? Deodorant? Air freshener? Silicone spray? I personally have all and more of these sprays right here as I type this, aside from the hair spray. All these sprays will blind your attacker almost as well as pepper spray. If you’re a smoker you probably have a lighter handy. Add a lighter in front of the spray and you’ve got an excellent flame thrower. I’m sure we all tried this when we were kids. At the very least the spray can be used as an impact weapon if nothing else.
Comb:
Especially a metal comb. Can be raked across an attacker’s face repeatedly with good success.
Umbrella:
Always another favorite. The larger ones make a good impact weapon and improvised stick fighting weapon. Also a great shield a la Roman style when opened. Some of the full sized ones have a pointy bit protruding, perhaps 2 to 3 inches long, so while you shield yourself you can also push the opened umbrella forward into the attacker’s face and body. The smaller umbrellas are good too, however ofcourse they are less durable and have less power due to lack of size.
Iron:
A great common household device. Can cause a lot of damage from use as a striking weapon, and again most irons have an electrical cord that makes a good flexible weapon as well.
A broom or mop:
Another long impact device. Can be used as a long staff for stick fighting techniques. Can also be used to hold the attacker at a distance.
Your car:
While it’s not always justified to use deadly force in this way since it can be argued that if you’re inside your car you are safe, if a gang of hoodlums or an angry middle eastern mob is surrounding your car, you’ve got 3000 pounds worth of effective weaponry on hand. At times deadly force can be justified depending on the situation including any disparity of force between you and the attacker(s) and the resulting danger you face at the time. Your main goal should be to escape in this case, but if necessary run a hoodlum over to affect your escape.
A phone:
Excellent impact device, very handy. A cord phone also makes a good flexible weapon if you’re skilled in using one effectively. Phones have been used many times as impact devices.
Coins:
Throw coins from your pocket into the face of your attacker. Another good diversionary tactic. A packed roll of coins can also make a good fist-load and has been used many times as such.
Sports equipment:
Tennis racket, golf club, pool stick, the obvious and often used baseball bat, dumbbells, etc. All are excellent impact devices. Keep a few golf clubs and balls in your car even if you don’t play. Or a baseball bat and glove and maybe some balls too inorder to not raise the suspicion of LEO.
Watch:
Preferably a heavy steel dive watch. Take the watch off your wrist and wrap it around the fist you punch with (strong arm). The first punch should break the glass and subsequent punches could cut your attacker up. Even if the glass doesn’t break and cut him it’s still a good improvised impact device if need be.
Bracelet:
A la Fred Perrin style. Only works with a solid one piece bracelet, not the flexible link type. Take your metal bracelet off and hold in your fist. Use as an impact device to punch with.
Your voice:
Your voice can be a great improvised weapon wherever you are. Verbally you can often stop, control or at very least influence the direction of an attack. Far too an extensive a subject to get into here. Learn about verbal commands and communication skills for defensive purposes/redirection of attacker’s violent behavior toward you. Sometimes known as verbal judo. Any good martial art or self defense system needs to address this subject.
One note on employing flexible weapons: As you can see a number of the potential weapons I mentioned in this small list are flexible, for example the electrical cord and clothing. Please keep in mind that as with most flexible weapons, specialist knowledge in hand to hand combat is needed for most effective use. Flexible weapons simply aren’t as straight forward as let’s say a chair or even a book which will instinctively be used as a shield often even by people with little or no experience in self defense.
This is merely a small sampling of possibilities. It would be impossible to list for you all the possible duel use “weapons” you might come across that might be of great defensive use during an attack. The list would be too large, and no one can know what will be available to you in your specific environment at that time. Obviously some environments are richer in potential alternative weaponry than others. It’s you’re job to train yourself to identify these potential weapons out of any objects around you. From now on look at the objects around you with a different eye. Look at objects in your surroundings through sort of a “weapons” filter. Specifically ask yourself, which ones can make an effective weapon? How would you use it? Will that object really cause hurt to your attacker and disable him, or is it really just a waste of time? Sometimes an object would make such a poor weapon that it’s better to fight unarmed. Learn to accurately evaluate potential weapons in your environment.
No one can really instruct you or show you every object that has the potential to be used as a weapon. Above all it is a mindset that you will have to develop. Preparation and training is the best way to help guarantee a better chance for success in a self defense incident. But once you develop this situational awareness and survival mentality you’ll be much better prepared to defend yourself in any situation than ever before, for you will have an instinctive understanding and application of self defense as a way of life.
Think outside the box, think like a fighter, like someone committed to self preservation and the defense of loved ones from societal predators. Potential weapons are all around you. It is now simply a matter of identifying them.