How to Avoid Holiday Depression After Relocating

With the holiday season upon us, I know many expats will be far from home. This is a time when it’s all too easy to get caught up in missing your friends and family back home, and wishing you were with them, leading to possible bouts of depression. Especially if you are in a country that doesn’t celebrate a holiday that is traditional for your country, such as Thanksgiving. It can be even harder to find that life continues as normal on a day you’re used to sharing with your family. And, don’t forget the weather! If home is a place where winter is snowy and cold, and you’re someplace in the Southern Hemisphere, then it’s going to feel really strange to find people swimming and walking around in t-shirts, which can make home feel even further away.

However, you also have the choice to see this as a time of discovery, welcoming in new traditions. I have spent Thanksgiving in Paris twice, once with a fellow expat who cooked us a lovely dinner, and another time with friends, dining at a restaurant that had a special Thanksgiving menu. Actually, the restaurant experience was one of those prix-fixe menus with a leg of Turkey that resembled duck confit, and a very French-ified version of mashed potatoes, etc. It was like gourmet gone wrong. (Really, is there a way to make roasted/fried turkey gourmet?) The wine, of course, was great, and so my friends and I enjoyed each other’s company, and had a good laugh at the meal. Of course, it was wonderful, for us, to be with each other, and we were grateful that a country that doesn’t even celebrate this holiday, gave us a way to honor it by combining our tradition with theirs.

I’ve also spent Christmas in Normandie, where we ate Oysters instead of the meat, or turkey and potatoes I’m accustomed to at this time of year. Though I wasn’t with my family, I bonded with others over wine and oysters till the wee hours, sharing discussion, laughter and fun.

What I find is most important is making sure to celebrate the occasions, and to honor them with good friends.

Here are a few ideas for you to consider during the holiday season:

1. If you can’t go home, see if home can come to you! Invite your friends and family to visit you.

2. Reach out to neighbors, colleagues, and new friends, and ask the ones you’re closest to if you can spend any of the holiday season together.

3. If you feel you don’t know anyone well enough yet, then look for other expats in your area. If, for example, you’re an American living in Peru, see what other expats are there using something like Facebook or Google, doing a search for expats near where you live.

4. If you can’t find anyone to spend the holiday with, see if any restaurants or community organizations might be holding a holiday dinner. This way, you can at least be surrounded by people, rather than alone.

5. Now is a great time to make new friends! Take full advantage of every method possible to meet new people.

6. Host a dinner at your place for the holidays and invite your new and old friends over to enjoy the time together.

                        Get Back the ‘Fire’ in You

Sometimes relationships die out for a few reasons. One of said reasons it ends between couples is that the ‘fire’ died out. Women have certain needs and to be honest, guys you don’t always know where you’re going!

Just to be clear, it is not to be perceived that sex is the most important aspect of a relationship. However, it is one of the pillars of a successful relationship. One of the reasons men and women stray, is due to how sexually unsatisfied they are with their current partners. Other issues can include mistrust and quite inexplicably, the love is simply lost.

Sex, dating and relationship expert, Mr. Locario gives his insight on the issue.

Locario feels that the “heat” can go missing when couples go into routine. Everyone’s been there. The obvious solution is to change it up a little, keep your marriage/ relationship sexually exciting always. This idea of course only works when couples openly communicate with one another.

Let him know what you like and vice versa. Keep the sex hot, the love blooming and the trust set in one another.

“For example a husband might tell his wife that he always fantasized about her cooking him breakfast in lingerie or a wife might tell her husband, that she always wanted to take a trip to the Bahamas and make love on a beach,” said Locario.

Life, Business Strategist and International Speaker, Allison Maslan suggests rekindling the magic in a marriage/relationship.

“One thing that my husband and I do every few months is to go on a date,” said Maslan. The catch Maslan says is to, ‘Meet at the restaurant or club and pretend we have not met before.’

Her husband goes through the process of trying to ‘pick her up’ and they keep the role-playing all night. Maslan insists that it is an amazingly fun experience. The couple spends the entire evening getting to know one another again. “No talk about the kids, bills, responsibilities or stresses. Just spending time focuses on getting to know one another again. I always learn something new about my husband that I did not know.”

In her experience, it’s been proven to be quite effective and even had some people fooled!

“One time the bartender reached over to my husband and said, ‘Boy, you move fast! How did you manage that?’ Little did he know this was far from our first date!”

Another technique Locario uses for couples is to point out the positive and not dwell on the negative. “A simple technique I use for couples is called “5 good things”. My girlfriend and I do this all the time. When you and your spouse see each other after a long day of work, you tell each other 5 good things that happened to you that day. You say one thing and then your husband or boyfriend says one thing until you get up to the fifth thing,” said Locario.

Examples could include something like ‘I had the most delicious bagel this morning’, or ‘I got the job I’ve worked so hard for!’ and so on.

Locario insists that, ‘This brings positive energy to the relationship and it will have both partners communicating as soon as they see each other.”

“I remember one time I worked with this couple. The wife told her husband that the one good thing that happened to her that day was waking up next to him and realizing how lucky she was to have him as a husband. Her husband actually cried because he said for the past couple of weeks he felt unappreciated. Doing this exercise takes no longer than 5 to 10 minutes to do and sets the tone for the rest of the night you spend with your significant other.”

Locario and Maslan also have some pearls of wisdom to share with all the single ladies out there as well. In his book, It’s Your Fault You’re Single: Tips on finding Mr. Right, Locario discusses how women need to take responsibility of their love lives.

“The first thing most women should understand is, they have the ability to pick and choose the right man for themselves. The problem is society has conditioned most women to sit back and wait for a man to be interested in them, wait for a man to approach them, wait for a man to ask them out on a date, and wait for him to call them back,” Locario adds.

He feels that, ‘since most women wait for a man to come into their lives, they only have the option to choose whoever approaches them. Sometimes their options aren’t that great and then they choose to be with one of these guys either out of boredom, thinking this is the best they can get or out of a fear of being alone.’

According to Maslan, who is also the author of Blast Off, women should first take the time to decide what they really want in a relationship. “Make a Soul Mate Shopping List of all the qualities that you want in a partner. Be very specific! For instance, I am an entrepreneur and I love to travel. When I had dated men in the corporate world, it made it tough to leave on vacation because his work was not very flexible.”

Maslan urges women to say what they really want up front in order to avoid heartache and disappointment later. She suggests being very picky.

“Do not settle. Get very clear on what you want and then put yourself out there. When you meet men, listen to your gut instinct. This is your little crystal ball. Pay attention to red flags because they never lie. Then, stay in tune with the belief that you will find love.”

Confidence and true self-motivation is all it takes. No woman should have to wait for Mr. Right to come to her.

     Keys to Creating A Signature Look

When companies think about their own branding strategy, a critical component is their Unique Value Proposition (UVP). This concept is equally important when thinking about the brand image you present to others by your appearance—your personal brand. What differentiates you from others? Do you have a trademark? Something that uniquely and unequivocally defines you?

Here are some ideas from Élan Image Management to develop a signature look that can enhance your “presence”: • Do you have something distinctive about your appearance? In my case, it’s my 6 foot frame. It could be a winning smile like Tom Cruise’s. Or the show stopping lips that Scarlett Johansson and Angelina Jolie have made famous. Or eyes that sparkle like jewels (Elizabeth Taylor). Or famous legs like Tina Turner who at age 65+ can still ‘work it’.

• Develop a trademark fashion accessory. One of my clients uses scarves in a variety of colors, patterns and shapes and wears them with all her suits. This is her signature look. Celebrities that have famous trademarks include Jacqueline Kennedy with her pillbox hats, Sarah Palin’s glasses, or Beyonce’s ‘big’ bling.

• Refine your personal style. There are many ‘classes’ of personal style but the key is making your style your own, whether you tend to gravitate more to clean simple monochromatic silhouettes or you are creative and edgy and mix and match clothing and accessories in new and surprising ways. Meryl Streep’s character in “The Devil Wears Prada” always was adorned with a white Hermes scarf, whether as part of her outfit or an accessory. Barbara Bush was always seen with her strand of pearls. And our new First lady, Michelle Obama loves sheath style dresses in a saturated color.

• Your poise. Are you graceful? Commanding? Statuesque? Approachable? Research has proven that a person’s height is a competitive advantage, in the business world or in life in general. This is especially true for men. Taller men have an easier time getting hired, promoted, being offered leadership roles and attracting women. So what is a height challenged person to do? Develop your poise—walk ‘as if’ you are 6 feet tall. It can make a world of difference on how others perceive you. And never underestimate the power of being a friendly and personable person—being perceived as “approachable” is important for personal and professional success. • Is there something unconventional about you? A different accent? Unusual facial features? Cindy Crawford’s mole sets her apart from other models. Barbara Streisand has made her profile famous with her distinctive nose and Mary J. Blige has made the scar under her left eye her trademark feature. Both women have transformed a negative facial feature into their trademark. What about an unconventional hairdo (think Hale Berry with her short pixie BEFORE it was en vogue)?

Whatever your ‘trademark’ or signature look, it is one thing that differentiates you from everyone else and it can be used as an asset to enhance your “professional presence” because you stand out from the crowd. But first you need to be aware of it, acknowledge it and embrace it before you can maximize its benefits.

                                    Wash Your Paws!

The current worldwide infection with swine flu has heightened everyone’s interest in preventing the spread of infections. If you have been following flu news on the Internet, you can find all kinds of suggestions for reducing your risk of exposure – everything from wearing masks to avoiding pig farms and petting zoos. One of the best methods for helping to prevent the spread of infection is easy, convenient, and cheap – simply washing your hands!

When Fido comes in the house, leaving brown paw prints along our white carpets, we’re quick to notice how dirty his paws are, but what about our own paws? Here are some germ facts sure to make you run to the bathroom and scrub your hands:

- Between 2 and 10 million bacteria live below your elbows
- The number of germs on your hands doubles after going to the bathroom
- About one in four women and half of men DON’T wash their hands after going to the bathroom

Benefits of handwashing
Researchers at the University of Colorado conducted an interesting study looking at the benefits of handwashing hygiene education for college students. Students living in 4 residence halls were included in this study. Half of the students were educated about the importance of handwashing. For example, educational flyers were placed in the dining halls and bathrooms promoting good handwashing hygiene. The other group of students did not receive any education and served as a control group. Weekly reports on hand hygiene were compared. Students educated about hand hygiene reported handwashing or using hand sanitizer an average of 0.74 times per hour compared with 0.46 times per hour for the control group. Over 12 hours, educated students would have washed their hands 9 times, compared with 6 times for the controls. Perhaps most importantly, the group educated about handwashing reported 26 percent fewer illness than the control group and 40 percent fewer absences from school and work.

Effective handwashing technique
What’s the best way to wash your hands – just soap and water! Microbiologists at the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill tested 14 handwashing products. They found that simple soap and water worked best. Soap won’t kill germs, but it lifts them off of your skin so they can be rinsed away with water – which is why you need BOTH soap and water! And just 10 seconds of washing was enough to get rid of over 9 in every 10 germs on your hands!

So remember – handwashing is one of the most effective ways to prevent the spread of infections. So don’t forget to wash your paws!

How Does Someone Become a Sex Expert?

 Become a Sex Expert?

When people ask me what I do for a living, they are usually shocked by my response. I am a Sex Expert. With raised eyebrows and eyes as big as saucers I can see a cartoon bubble flash over their head exclaiming, “Did she just say sex?”Desperate to compose their features, they inevitably nod their heads and respond with, “Interesting…”

Next people ask how I chose a field like sexuality. Well, simply put, I believe it chose me. I am the last person on earth one might consider to be an up-and-coming expert in sexuality—being the consummate uptight-whitey-woman from small town nowhere. How it all came about is still a mystery to me.

Several years ago I was out on a dog walk with a friend. After an in-depth discussion around sex, he looked at me and said, “You should give a workshop on sex.” And I thought, “You’re right.” At that moment, everything clicked into place and it seemed such a natural segue from a career in corporate Canada to a career as a Sex Expert. That is about as deep as my epiphany goes.

Yet it was a clumsy liberation into my new occupation. Before I started all of this, I could not say body parts like “vagina” or “penis” out loud without giggling or stumbling over the words. I could never explain what I wanted in bed. And I always struggled with having the-made-to-look-perfect romance novel sex.

Not knowing where to start, my first step was to buy Lou Paget’s How to Be a Great Lover. In her book Paget describes techniques on how to pleasure a man. And I thought, “Well, if I am going to teach this stuff, I might as well learn it myself.”

Too embarrassed to go to a sex shop, I went into my local Safeway and grabbed two cucumbers and a tube of KY lubricant. For half-an-hour I walked up and down the aisles of Safeway convincing myself, “Don’t worry Trina, the check-out clerk won’t figure out you’ll be practicing hand techniques on the cucumbers.”

The hardest part of becoming a Sex Expert was telling my parents. It took me four months to buck up the courage. To break the news I treated them to dinner at a busy restaurant—no chance of yelling or crying fits that way.

As I sat across from my folks I felt like a 12 year old. A cool sweat spotted my brow. When the words, “I’m-gonna-be-a-sex-expert” came out in a garbled, high-pitched squeak, I was looking at my shoes. Worse yet was explaining that I would be writing a newspaper column that all of their family and friends could read. To this day I have a hard time talking to my parents about sex.

People often ask what qualifies me to be a Sex Expert. I have a Doctorate of Human Sexuality from a school in San Francisco. Yes it’s true. There are a few schools inNorth America that give out graduate level degrees in sex. Can you imagine?

Being a good (a.k.a. naïve) girl from the prairies, I almost did not go back after my first semester. The school’s calendar did not explain how mind bending their “education” would be. For example, durin

`                                                                    Is the romance missing?  

 Is the romance missing? 

You know how to love and you’re a passionate person, but romance, a reflection of love and passion, seems a little dry like that last glass of wine you had… alone.

So how can you put “romance” into your relationship? Though both genders enjoy being romanced (don’t believe him if he tells you differently) it is different for men than for women.

First, gentlemen, romance has nothing to do with how many times you, allegedly, made her achieve the big O; and ladies, it’s not measured by how many times you go down on him… while he’s driving. Sex has nothing to do with romance, ask any one night stand; but romance has everything to do with sex. Don’t confuse passion with romance. Passion leads to sex, romance doesn’t have to and, done right, shouldn’t on most occassions.

So here’s a list of ways you can romance your sweetie-pie. Ladies first.

1. Men’s egos are more fragile than fine china. Remind him, often, how he pleases you in and out of the bedroom.

2. They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Cook for him. Don’t know how? Learn!

3. You may think men don’t like surprises. Wrong! For his birthday last year, my sister surprised my bro-in-law (a sports fanatic) by taking him to the Hall of Champions in Balboa Park, San Diego, then out to dinner at one of his favorite spots along the coast. He said it was the best birthday ever.

4. Does he play sports or musical gigs? Show up to support him. He’ll be glad you’re there.

5. Learn his music. Men and tunes are like burgers and beer.

6. Be willing to try new things though some may be frightening. Trust that he cares enough not to cripple you.

7. Be a lady. If you act like one of the guys expect to be treated as one.

Okay men, it’s your turn.

1. Get involved with her activities, unless of course, she insists that you don’t. Does she dance? Learn how so you can dance with her instead of letting all the other guys who do. You’ll sweep her off her feet.

2. Most women don’t think men can cook. Surprise her and learn how. Then do it. Wash the dishes too. Major points!

3. Gifts and cards for no reason. Send an ecard a week, or a day, to her office. Steer clear of store bought trinkets, any guy can do that. Build her something she needs. Finish that project for her. Don’t announce it, just do it. She’ll notice!

4. Learn her scents and colors. You have no idea how many shades of white there are.

5. Care for her. Open doors. Treat her like a lady and always be a gentleman in public.

6. Compliment her… often.

7. Listen to her when she speaks. This may mean making eye contact. A few days later, comment on your conversation and quote her. She’ll be impressed.

8. A real relationship means personal growth, even yoga!

Here are some things you both can and should do for continued romance.

1. Quality time. It’s not necessarily the quantity of time you spend with your partner (we need to sleep, work and usually our bathroom “needs” don’t present the best romantic opportunties) but the quality of time. Ask yourself the following question: Who do I want to spend my free and “play” time with? If you answered anything but him or her, then it’s time to put the romance back in the relationship. You’ve grown a beautiful garden, but it ain’t gettin’ watered. Your lover should also be your best friend.

2. Laugh together, confide in each other, share special moments, holidays and trips. Have secrets, real secrets, special looks, signs, songs, movies and dances that you never share with anyone else and always want to share with your partner.

3. And the hardest one, but the most important, say “I love you.” Say it often. Say it without it being expected. Don’t wait for your partner to say it. Say “I love you” in front of family, friends and strangers. Feel awkward saying it in public, or if your partner were to say it out loud in public?

And I mean so you can hear it and maybe those close by, not shouting it at the top of your lungs, though that might be fun too. If you do cringe at the idea of “love out loud,” then maybe you’d better take another look at love. It’s often confused with infatuation.

So don’t wait until it’s too late. Put the romance into your relationship and watch it bloom and thrive. Otherwise, your beautiful flower or your steadfast oak, just might go shopping for another gardener.

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What You Can Learn about Relationships from Watching the Obamas

When Americans elected President Barak Obama, we did so for numerous reasons. His grace under the fire of the presidential debates. His charisma and ability to inspire hope in a grim time. His articulateness. His accomplishments. And his obvious intelligence.

Now that we Americans have elected him, we are the beneficiaries of an unexpected perquisite. President and Mrs. Obama provide a role model of a good marriage.

What does it take to make a good marriage? Current divorce statistics tell us that over 50% of Americans apparently don’t know. Those whose parents did not model an intimate, cooperative, and mutually supportive and satisfying marriage are disadvantaged. It’s hard to know what such a marriage looks like.

I’ve practiced marriage and family therapy for over three decades, after completing my post-doctoral training.

So when I look at the Obamas, I observe their connection on many levels. What I see so far is a couple:

• with obvious and genuine affection for each other;

• who are unabashedly interdependent, each able to function well as independent individuals who are unafraid to acknowledge their need for each other);

• who share mutual support and respect for each other;

• who each possess authentic personal power as individuals;

• who are synergistic, each making the other stronger than they would be by themselves;

• who lack brashness or harshness;

• who are committed parents but they do not sacrifice their love and affection for each other in favor of their daughters;

• who are relationship-oriented in their approach to parenting, work, and leadership.

America is the beneficiary of the Obamas’ “marriage premium.” And, because the American President is arguably the most powerful person on planet earth, the world benefits by extension.

What is the “marriage premium?” Many family studies researchers have studied the connection between happy marriages and employee productivity. Although they have not investigated the impact of good marriages on presidential effectiveness, we can hypothesize a link. Here is the bottom line of their conclusions.

A Harvard University researcher looked at the traits that make superior, average, and poor CEOs. He found the attribute separating superior CEOs from the others was they were in happy marriages, while the other two groups were not (Erickson 2008). In other words, it was their happy marriages, not their academic degrees or business experience, that made them the most valuable, effective, and productive leaders.

The apparent strength of the Obamas’ marriage can give us even more reason to hope than we already had when we elected him.